Posted by Lesfriendly.com - The lesbian blog | Posted in Gay Issues, Intimacy, Rocket Science | Posted on 09-03-2009
Often people frown upon May-December love affairs in heterosexual couples. But for lesbian and gay couples, do the same rules apply?
commitment until the end?
Scientifically speaking, being adverse to age gaps has its evolutionary purposes. Decreased child-bearing and child-rearing capabilities is obvious. However, when we look at gay couples, this argument doesn’t hold through as much, right?
In a study about commitment in age-gap heterosexual relationships, and maybe quite contrary to popular belief, more satisfaction and commitment was reported in women-older relationships than in women-younger.
the second worst thing after an arranged marriage
I actually don’t know the merit in posting and highlighting this finding, but in lesbian relationships one woman is bound to be older and one to be younger for sure. I personally am attracted to women who have a significant age gap from me – none of the younger ones. There’s something sexy and mature and caring and safe in the arms of someone whom you know is wiser than you.
But how big an age gap can lesbians be comfortable in? Mine is a pretty big one (by others’ standards I guess) currently, but I certainly don’t feel any generation gap (except probably Francis Magalona albums come up). But I think I may be the exception to the rule.
My take is that lesbians are generally less tolerant less of big age gaps in committed relationships. The temptation and allure of the younger woman becomes less appealing – its not as much as a big ego booster as it is if a man were to carry one around. In fact, there are more disadvantages. Since lesbians are more for talk and conversation, there are less topics if two people can’t relate to each other’s generation. Being around with friends is also a complication – who wants to hang around a bunch of old women?
But the biggest factor is the difference in the mindset. The lesbian and feminist movement has moved so rapidly since a couple of decades ago, it can be said that in three years, a whole different of mindset among lesbians are born.
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In conclusion, yeah, I’d think the lesbos are more likely to choose partners within the same decade they were born.
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P.S. – Sorry, forgot to tell you great post!
My Girlfriend and I are 30 years apart in age. It is an exciting journey for both us. We are sharply aware of implications for the ‘distant’ future – and we are even more aware of how valuable this time together has become. We have never run out of things to say or ways to learn from each other. Or things to laugh about. Wish us joy as we launch our second year and some big hairy audacious career moves.
I was married for 18 years to someone 10 years older and I was miserable. I am now in a relationship with someone who was born a month afer me (same year) and we could NOT be more compatable. We relate so much better on every level.
Im in a relationship right now who is a year older than I am. We are experiencing so much conflicts right now. Actually, I am planning to split up with her because I think and I believe that I can relate well with someone five years older than me. I can say that I am too young to handle this kind of relationship that is why I prefer older (not so much ha) partner.
different strokes for different folks. i think though that we should be age-ist. nothing’s wrong with hanging out with older women, they’re so much fun to be with. besides, compatibility can’t be dictated by age.
i’d say true because at some point the age gap proves to be more a “helper” in the relationship. but then again, it’s mostly both persons’ mindsets.
Thanks so much for posting this! I find it increasingly difficult to tell heterosexual couples that I am in a relationship with a 28 year age gap (I am nearly 19). My lesbian friends do not find it out of the ordinary, and nor do my college friends, but people outside of college find it strange. It’s good to see other couples that have managed this.
I was in a relationship with a woman who was double my age. By all standards it was a huge age difference, and yet it was the most beautiful relationship I have ever been in. The difference enabled us to enter into worlds we otherwise would never have been able to, and we both grew so much. It took a lot of honesty and communication, but never felt like work, only sheer delight.
So I find myself googling age differences in lesbian relationships for the at least 5th time. I have had many experiences from the largest age gap being 28 years older than myself, and to the smallest being only a month older than me, to someone who is 5 years younger than myself. I found that the intellectual connection to the older women I was with to be the basis for their attraction to me, as well as my being an “old soul” that they found me to be intriguing. Me on the other hand, i have little patience for my generation of baby dykes and the mind games that are played. I have very little in common with women of my age bracket or just plain don’t find them physically attractive if they hit a mental cord. I used to have a cut off age which was 45 when I was 20 years old, and that has stayed the same. Well recently I was out with this really attractive woman, we had a good time, hit it off, I though she was in her mid to late 30’s no older than 42, well come to find out she’s 50. Now I’ve always been an advocate for the philosophy that “the heart wants what the heart wants” and that age being a factor in a human connection is absurd. Now that you would think that since I have been with a wide variety in ages that this wouldn’t intimidate me, but it does… Why would this be?