Posted by Lesfriendly.com - The lesbian blog | Posted in Intimacy | Posted on 21-12-2008
There are some lesbian lovemaking tips that just don’t work. Save yourselves the trouble and don’t follow them!
1. F### your partner’s Leg
Hot?
From When Girls Kiss Girls:
“Once you sense she is aroused turn and get one of your partner’s legs between your legs, grip this with your legs, and as you touch her slowly rock on her leg, so that this presses on your cl#t.”
Say what? Now why would I want to do that to her leg when I could do it to her?
2. Reverse Oral
It's supposed to be more relaxing than this
From Lovers’ Guide:
“Instead of going d##n on her with her on her back and your head between her legs, try flipping her on to her front with her legs over your shoulders. You can then lick her out from behind, which will st##ulate different parts of her vag##a.”
Err… I’m predicting that this won’t be too much of a hit, what with a strained back and cramped legs.
3. The Frozen D#ldo
Get ready for a really cool surprise
From Lesbian kamasutra:
“After a hard days work chill out with some frozen fun. Put your d#ldo in the freezer for a while until it is chilled, then slowly introduce it to your v#lva and let it ‘thaw’…BrrruuGH!”
Oh no! Did we ever mention that frozen things are a little bit more sticky and can BURN? I definitely won’t be signing up for this one.
4. Double Scissors
This is a better way to fight
From Lesbian World:
“In order to understand it better imagine two pairs of scissors. Afterwards interlock them in your mind. The same position usually is taken by lesbians who practice double scissors.”
This could be worthwhile if you don’t kick each other in the face from writhing. Now I wonder why I haven’t seen this position in any lesbian flick…
5. Show a close up of your g##itals on a webcam so she can “lick it”
This kitty won't be smiling anymore
(Heard from a friend)
“We’re in a long distance relationship, and I just miss her so much.”
Shall we ever begin to talk about the smell the poor webcam is going to get? And how kinky will a closeup shot of pub#s be? And how dusty the computer monitor will taste when you begin to lick it? And how embarrassed you’re going to be should somebody catch you?
Lesfriendly Rating:
I think these tips better leave me alone.
Popularity: 2% [?]
Word.
These are absolutely hysterical! I love the frozen dildo pic it speaks volumes! What a great post!
With the exception of licking the computer screen
, the rest aren’t ridiculous at all I think.