Posted by Lesfriendly.com - The lesbian blog | Posted in Fanfiction | Posted on 02-01-2010
An Lword Fanfiction. Purely fun.
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Shane knocked furiously at her own door. She can’t, for the life of her, explain why she was stuck outside her own house, on her own party. She just went outside to smoke. She scratched her head and rapped at the door again. “Yo guys, open up! Somebody locked the door.”
“Hurry up! She’s getting mad!” Alice whispered intensely to a frazzled Tina, who was furiously attacking pieces of grass with a pestle. She pounded the poor plant to shreds.
“Okay, okay! It’s ready!” Tina whispered. Or screamed. Helena couldn’t tell the difference. She just looked at the girls and stayed back, not wanting to get in anybody’s way, and certainly not wanting weed on her hair.
“Great, now let me-” Bette scooped up the green powder and dumped it on a tray of brownies, hastily poured whipped cream all over it, and tried to flatten the generous mound with a wine glass, after efforts to find a spoon proved fruitless.
“I’ve got 5 bottles of vodka with me! And I’m drinking them all by myself if nobody opens up!” screamed a tipsy, frustrated Shane from outside the door, accompanied by rapping on the door. The wood sounded like it was already cracking.
“Okay, we’re ready – GO!” hissed Alice to Max, who immediately followed orders and opened the door. Shane stormed inside.
“What the he-”
“HAAAAA-PPY BIRTHDAY!!!” screamed a unison of happy and apparently crazy lesbians, with Jenny in the middle, holding a tray of what appears to be an unevenly-frosted cake. Extremely unevenly-frosted. Like somebody got a wine glass and rolled it on top of the cream.
Shane then looked at each and everyone of their smiling faces. Bette had cream on her cheek. Tina was somehow trying to hide a piece of pestle in her grip but was failing. Jenny had a funny doe-eyed look. Alice was blinking like crazy, and Helena was standing far away from the group, smiling nevertheless (Shane wondered if there was another issue with Bette).
Max put her arm around Shane. “What are you waiting for? Dig in!”
So she did. Cautiously though. You never know what these ladies are up to. She took a ginger sniff of the uneven frosting and the brownie.
“I made the brownies,” Jenny piped. “You better eat it. Like NOW.”
Shane did not want any lesbian issues on her birthday night. So she scooped out a chunk of brownie with her bare hands and poured it in her mouth.
“WHOOOOT!” the lesbian crew cheered, and followed suit. They attacked the brownies like cavemen. Er, cavewomen, and drank another round of vodka. Shane wasn’t kidding when she threatened them at the door earlier.
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“Are you feeling a little funny?” Tina quipped dreamily to Bette. They had eaten the brownies 10 minutes earlier and everybody was getting a little rowdy inside Shane’s house’s living room. Bette looked at Tina with confused eyes. “Funny? Whatever do you mean, cupcake?”
“I don’t know jelly-” But soon Tina was talking to air. Bette had suddenly left her side and was staggering towards Jenny, who was in the middle of the room, lifting her dress up so you can almost see her-
“Hi there, sugarplum…” Better purred to Jenny. She was circling the girl slowly, while licking her lips like a cat. She has been told it attracted women, specially writers who have compulsive skirt-lifting needs.
“A priest stole my skirt,” muttered Jenny, with almost watery eyes. She glanced up slowly to the circling Bette. It was hard to catch Bette’s eye, since she was moving around her in a bouncy sort of way, licking her lips continuously.
“I can give you water. Have you just come from a desert trip?”
“Yes, sugarplum, I’ve crossed the desert to see y-”
A hand suddenly pushed the bouncy, circling Bette and she fell on the sofa. Tina glared at her furiously and then pointed a shaking finger at the still skirt-lifted Jenny.
“I AM SUGARPLUM!!!” she screamed. She pulled Jenny’s hair and started rubbing her fingers around the shocked Jenny’s ribs. “Now, suffer under my Angelica tickly-wiggly attack!”
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“What’s that weird noise from the living room?” Alice asked Shane and Max. They were inside the kitchen and pigging out on the Chinese food that was Shane’s birthday dinner.
“I don’t know and I don’t care,” shrilled Shane, then uttered a high-pitched laughter. She started feeling light-headed earlier and now she succumbed to the full effects of whatever the girls put in the spiked brownie. She let out another high-pitched laughter that ended in some sort of burp. “Heehehehe-HEAAAGH!”
“I can do better than that!” Alice shouted. She got up on top of the counter and squatted. Then, she put her hand over her head and reached back to touch her other hand, which she snaked between her legs. “Ssshhh, I’m Mr. Fantastic”, she whispered.
Max jumped up from her seat and started rummaging around the kitchen drawers. Alice looked at Max suspiciously from between her legs as Shane continued to laugh and burp hysterically.
Max emerged from the kitchen drawers, holding up a pair of vegetable scissors triumphantly and looking at it with wide, evil eyes. “AHA! Now I can beat you Shane! I will have the hairrrr. I will have the loooooksssss. And I…” Max snipped a large chunk of hair from her head and scattered it around the kitchen floor. “…will have the girrrlssss”.
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At the corner of the room, Helena chuckled softly to herself as she held up a small video camera, documenting the whole night. She was pleased with herself. Unknown to everyone, she replaced the normal weed used to spike the brownie with the expensive, high-quality one she ordered from a special plantation in Ethiopia. The suppliers told her that Ethipian children used the money to feed the donkeys that were used to transport the weed to the airport to fly to the United States, so she was always ready to pay the hefty price.
And it was worth every penny.
“Okay, okay! We can be fair – you be Sugarplum!” the voice echoed from the living room.”BUT I get to be Supreme Queen Goddess Aphroditeeee!”
Ooh, it was worth every penny indeed.
*end*
Disclaimer: I own noone. Nobody owns me either. This was written with nothing but pure cheer in my mind, and 3 donuts in my blood.
This is my first fanfiction. Ever. So please be kind and comment!
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Gday! Wonderful thought, but could this actually perform?